Lolita*

“…the Gods are grumpy but Biri feels light today, Biri has a golden sense of humour and the gods do not get that .. “**

I am late, I am always late and if I die one day I am afraid I will be blamed for dying on the wrong day or in bad time .. but thats is a topic for another day today I am hoping to write about Kolena Laila or Lolita as I secretly call it 🙂

I must admit writing about Lolita today might be a bad idea as i am in sort of a very odd mood these days

Kolena Laila is an online initiative to encourage dialogues focused on Gender issues, a dialogue  by the entire society in the Arab world. The initiative has started in Egypt and now it is spreading out. What i like about Kolena laila is the fact that it is an organic entity that evolves with time and changes as new members (new ideas and new blood) join in and in all that I had the pleasure to be part of this entity and did my very small part  although I was always late for my deadline 🙂

Kolena Laila , the way I see it,  is not exactly a point of view that tries to prove itself in the society but it is simply a group of people who agree on the necessity of opening the gender related issues to a debate, those people who have completely different views and back ground believe that a social development must come from within the society and i believe it is a very healthy phenomena and a very good culture to have, I hope in the future many other problems (and there are too many to count) such as the gender question in the Arab World can learn from Kolena Laila experiment

saying that, this is only my way of seeing it others in the initiative might see it differently 🙂

to know what Kolena laila is and how to help or to oppose it please do click on the image and visit the website, it is available in both English and in Arabic.

*Lolita a controversial Novel by Vladimir Nabokov .. worth reading !!!

** a line from Hussein Barghouti’s  novel “Blue Light” , one of those unknown holy books

The Monk of the Desert: in a Dream no logic is required

I am on a weird medication at the moment; I am taking something that helps me to stop smoking like a coal train. One of the side effects is up-normal dreams, when I read the warning i was wondering how can a dream be normal let alone up-normal  but my question was answered soon enough when I started having those up-normal dreams.

If I try to make out the differences between my “normal dreams” and “up-normal dreams” it would be a list like this:

First, I remember my dreams in details, or so I think.

Second, I started to know that I am dreaming not just that, I can change the dream (part of it or all of it) or stop it and wake up

Third, the Dreams are vivid, I don’t mean eventful -and some times thy are but the colours were quite clear although I am not sure about the sounds, in fact, I do not recall any sounds ( I will pay attention to that tonight).

Forth, I wake up tired

praise to be to google the all knowing god and his daughter Wikipedia the seeker of truth and the giver of light, in other words i found this link which is an article about Lucid Dreams. It sounds similar to what I am dealing with here.

After this very long and boring introduction I would like to talk about one of those dreams.

The Monk of the Desert

Like all Dreams, the point of which it has started is a mystery, unlike our “so called way of life”. We need titles for books or movies, by reading those titles and then turning over the cover page or clicking play we declare that we are engaged in some sort of activity. One can not help but to think that such declaration is pointless as it sounds to me like a man shaking his own hand.

It is not just books and Movies but everything else in our lives has that button with a triangle point to the right  (studying, career, relationships , quieting smoking, watching porn… etc etc you name it )

I like to think that only the things that really matter do not come with a play button, I can name two; Life on this planet and Dreams, as for the first, how life came to “BE” is a question that makes my hair stand, how did chemicals came together and BOOM!!  became a living Cell is something more glorious than an explanation any religion can give..

(Ahem, for those who believe in those little infinite Gods and such stuff, please don’t read Peter Pan you might get yourselves confused)

..  Life and dreams are quite the same, you can never say when or how they started but somehow you find yourself there, so much in common and with out one the other is either pointless or impossible…

.. I do apologize again for the second and even more boring introduction back the Monk and his Desert

The Monk of the Desert

as I said I do not remember how the dream started,  I do not recall there were any sounds, but what I remember is the view. two huge sand hills and in between them I can see the blue sea, no life was there, no trees nor birds even the wind was not part of this, it all seems like shopping bags someone forgot to take home and calmly left there to be ignored. It also seemed to me like the breasts of a woman.

I  was leaning on the wall of a cave that should not exist in a sand desert, I was dressed like a Franciscan Monk but with out the hood, instead i had thick silver hair and huge wooden Cross on my chest, I was reciting  Qura’n in  Aramaic ( for those who are not familiar with Islam, Qura’n must only be recited in Arabic although you can translate it’s meaning to any other language).

The cave was empty except for a rock shaped as a chair, it looked like the inside of a turtle shell, inside some of some of the hexagons there were some paintings, if I remember correctly one of them were of a naked nun . I went to sit on the chair shaped rock and faced the view out site the cave, It was then when I realised I was dreaming so I closed my eyes and I opened them in wide grey hall with many columns, I was seated on the floor and a burning candle near by.

I thought to myself this hall should be white. Then I walked to the window to see a similar view of the two sand hills and the narrow blue strip of water between them, only this time it seemed like a woman’s two legs spreading open.

I look back into the hall, which was white now and there were candles hanging from an unseen roof, in the middle the was a tree of black roses and my hands had halos like the Christian icons in old church but the halo wasn’t on my head it was around my two hands,  also my halos were red coloured.

I did like the tree of Black roses I felt close to it as if I am looking to a dear friend or to my own blood. I reached to the root with my hands , I did not touch the tree in stead I poured some red liquid, it seemed it is coming out of my body and then I said it to myself   “.. it is time to walk out, it is time to wake up” and I did.

It was around 3 AM, I went to the Kitchen and had some water then went to the window in my living room and saw this in the other side …

falling snow

Could not help but smile, no matter where I go no matter what the world around me is coloured by; it seems I will never escape the desert inside me especially those two hill facing a strip of water they look like two breasts sometimes and two spreading legs other times, there where no logic is required.

P.S. except for few details here and there all that was written here is the poor production of the blogger corrupted and awake imagination.

أحقا؟!! … أحقا أنا هنا ؟

كم من مرة تذهب للنوم و أنت تسأل ما الذى تفعله هنا ؟

كم من مرة تستيقظ صباحا لتسأل  … و الأن ؟

كم من مرة تسأل أحقا أنا هنا !!؟

فقط لتسأل أحقا أنا  أنا ؟

ثم تصاب بالخيبة … هذه الحياة ، عزيزى المستمع، ليست متسامحة لمن يعيشون فى رؤسهم