…… و لكن

in the name of the restlessness …

Nina Simon Died today !!

I just knew that Nina Simon died in 2003 !!

I did not know ..  I thought she was alive, breathing and humming but i was wrong.  I feel low for to me she died few moments ago

how amusing that this world can not be more depressing, for seven years she was dead I just did not know

If I die and my soul is lost .. no buddy’s fault but mine

sinner man where you ganna run to  ..  the lord said go to the devil

but i am just a soul who’s intentions are good, Oh lord do not let me be misunderstood

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a Funeral of a Colour

اليوم …  لوناً إنتحر

لا نعرفه أيهم

لأنه عندما رحل

لم يترك وراءه أثر

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….

منذ زمن –  يبدو لي كقرون الأن – أخترت أن أكون مصيبا على أن أكون سعيدا …  لم أعرف عندها بأنني لن أكون أيهما

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the league of the Pathetics

(this is a short story I did not finish and i am not planning to do so, but since the blog was asleep for a while here is what i have wrote about the league of the Pathetics  .. typos are a trade mark and if you ignore them they will leave you in peace too)

Officer: so birdy .. sing !
Jiko: people have weird habits, something that other people would consider out of the norm and might feel unease if they happen to observe it, those “other people” happen to be people as well with weird habits as well .. but i digress .. i guess what i am trying to say is that i do have weird habits too. Personally i do not think that smiles means anything, thank you, good bye, excuse me, sorry your cat died are as well sort of an meaningless behaviour …. the way things are ….  like the fact that water boils at 100 C or cows have 4 legs. i say people over-rate an empty smile and under-rate a good healthy loud fart .. again I digress
as i said i have some weird habits, one of them is my daydreaming and that what i am trying to tell you sir … you see i live in my head quit a lot and not that only i do not like but it is not doing me much good, you see Mister i do not like me much but what can I say if only I kept the receipt and returned me ..anyway … I thought being me was bad enough till one day i was in underground minding my own business, i was tired and low and did not see a single colour all day when all of the sudden i started to hear some music at first i thought it is one of those kids .. so i opened my eyes and looked around me to see who this punk, but the carriage was empty except for a middle aged woman.
so i said to myself ” you have lost Jiko!! ..” and i might had lost sir, i mean i am not claiming that i am perfectly sane
Officer: keep talking .. but stay with topic
Jiko: yes .. sure .. of course .. so i went on thinking about my life and all those silly questions one asks when one is in a rainy day .. after a moment i closed my eyes and i tried to relax to find myself somewhere i never meant to be.. at first i did not understand it but now i know i was in this lady’s daydream
Officer: what did you see ?
Jiko: I can not remember clearly .. i Panicked and that is not helpful when you spy on someone’s daydream. i guess it was a wedding, there was music and white dresses but i am only guessing .. i thought i was pathetic i found out that i am A pathetic, one of many.. another thing I found out, Children are stupid. their daydreams are dull and simple unlike what Disney tells us
Officer: are you saying you can read people’s mind
Jiko: No, i can not. You see i am only able to spy on people’s daydreams, but i can not guess what number they are thinking of or know if they are lying, i can not spy on someone’s thoughts only when people are in the floating  state of the daydream i can can jump in and watch.
Officer: Jump in ? you mean you can choose not
Jiko: oh yes, this madness comes full with options .. sometimes when I am bored I DJ two people’s daydream
Officer: well then Jiko, can you tell us about your adventures
Serage : CUUUUUUUUUUUUT !!!!  all go home .. the post is over … nothing to see here …  we have to use room as a public toilet

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Academy Award Winning Movie Trailer

what else is left to say …

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laughing at an empty shower

He knew that there was something fundamentally wrong with him when he realised that every thing is as good as lighting up a cigarette. and spoken words usually are nothing but noise.

that put him in the corner, you see the problem was he could not say what is the definition of “Fundamentally Wrong”, other than it is not the norm as it is not what other people feel like he can not tell what is “Fundamentally Wrong”. in other words it is a matter of statistics to him and that made him think that he has to do something about it ..

he always likes to say ” i am a blind man driving a car in the middle a desert of Asphalt, lost all hope in anything sensible (including understanding the meaning of sensible) and only wish to have an accident”

when she came into his life, I thought that she was the accident he waited for and teased him with my findings but he replied that I was foolish, he actually said that when she told him that she wanted him badly he was imagining Nina Simon having a shower and singing

So you just do what you gotta do
My wild sweet love
Though it may mean that I’ll never kiss
Those sweet lips again
Pay that no mind
Find that dappled dream of yours
Come on back and see me when you can

but Nina Simon was wrong it was never sweet and it felt like lighting up a cigarette, i asked him if he ever went through something with considering its ending before starting it and when he replied asking if that was wrong i did not have much to say

many times I caught him talking to him self, after a while I asked him if he is aware of that and he said that he was aware of it and that I interrupted an interesting conversation with himself to say nothing of importance, I did what any decent person would do, I apologized to both of them and left.

once he said that he can see the hat of Tom Waits poping up of the bath tub every now and then and one day Tom will be brave enough to come out of the tub, tell him that Leonard Cohen is a wanker and they would do friends stuff together.

she finally left him, and I honestly do not blame her I actually think she stayed that long just to prove something to herself like when silly people build the highest tower just to prove that their penises is not that small. When she told him she was leaving all he did was looking to shower and laughed at it then he lighted up a cigarette, at least that what she told me later

although I did what was required from a decently social person to comfort another, I honestly could not care less about her at that moment, all what I wanted to know was what he was laughing in the shower, did Tom Waits come out of the tub and if so what did they do?

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Under a Wanderin’ Star : Lee Marvin

I was born under a wanderin’ star
I was born under a wanderin’ star
Wheels are made for rolling, mules are made to pack
I’ve never seen a sight that didn’t look better looking back
I was born under a wanderin’ star

Mud can make you prisoner and the plains can bake you dry
Snow can burn your eyes, but only people make you cry
Home is made for coming from, for dreams of going to
Which with any luck will never come true
I was born under a wanderin’ star
I was born under a wanderin’ star

Do I know where hell is, hell is in hello
Heaven is goodbye, forever its time for me to go
I was born under a wanderin’ star
A wandrin’ wanderin’ star

When I get to heaven, tie me to a tree
For I’ll begin to roam and soon you’ll know where I will be
I was born under a wanderin’ star
A wandrin’ wanderin’ star

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Are we late for our extinction ?

sometimes I think we forgot to extinct.. we simply forgot, like when I forgot to go to my dentist.

I am at work at the moment, may be later I will write a post about that, it can be titled something like that.. the species that mistook it’s extinction for a hat*

*The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat

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Lolita*

“…the Gods are grumpy but Biri feels light today, Biri has a golden sense of humour and the gods do not get that .. “**

I am late, I am always late and if I die one day I am afraid I will be blamed for dying on the wrong day or in bad time .. but thats is a topic for another day today I am hoping to write about Kolena Laila or Lolita as I secretly call it :)

I must admit writing about Lolita today might be a bad idea as i am in sort of a very odd mood these days

Kolena Laila is an online initiative to encourage dialogues focused on Gender issues, a dialogue  by the entire society in the Arab world. The initiative has started in Egypt and now it is spreading out. What i like about Kolena laila is the fact that it is an organic entity that evolves with time and changes as new members (new ideas and new blood) join in and in all that I had the pleasure to be part of this entity and did my very small part  although I was always late for my deadline :)

Kolena Laila , the way I see it,  is not exactly a point of view that tries to prove itself in the society but it is simply a group of people who agree on the necessity of opening the gender related issues to a debate, those people who have completely different views and back ground believe that a social development must come from within the society and i believe it is a very healthy phenomena and a very good culture to have, I hope in the future many other problems (and there are too many to count) such as the gender question in the Arab World can learn from Kolena Laila experiment

saying that, this is only my way of seeing it others in the initiative might see it differently :)

to know what Kolena laila is and how to help or to oppose it please do click on the image and visit the website, it is available in both English and in Arabic.

*Lolita a controversial Novel by Vladimir Nabokov .. worth reading !!!

** a line from Hussein Barghouti’s  novel “Blue Light” , one of those unknown holy books

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The Monk of the Desert: in a Dream no logic is required

I am on a weird medication at the moment; I am taking something that helps me to stop smoking like a coal train. One of the side effects is up-normal dreams, when I read the warning i was wondering how can a dream be normal let alone up-normal  but my question was answered soon enough when I started having those up-normal dreams.

If I try to make out the differences between my “normal dreams” and “up-normal dreams” it would be a list like this:

First, I remember my dreams in details, or so I think.

Second, I started to know that I am dreaming not just that, I can change the dream (part of it or all of it) or stop it and wake up

Third, the Dreams are vivid, I don’t mean eventful -and some times thy are but the colours were quite clear although I am not sure about the sounds, in fact, I do not recall any sounds ( I will pay attention to that tonight).

Forth, I wake up tired

praise to be to google the all knowing god and his daughter Wikipedia the seeker of truth and the giver of light, in other words i found this link which is an article about Lucid Dreams. It sounds similar to what I am dealing with here.

After this very long and boring introduction I would like to talk about one of those dreams.

The Monk of the Desert

Like all Dreams, the point of which it has started is a mystery, unlike our “so called way of life”. We need titles for books or movies, by reading those titles and then turning over the cover page or clicking play we declare that we are engaged in some sort of activity. One can not help but to think that such declaration is pointless as it sounds to me like a man shaking his own hand.

It is not just books and Movies but everything else in our lives has that button with a triangle point to the right  (studying, career, relationships , quieting smoking, watching porn… etc etc you name it )

I like to think that only the things that really matter do not come with a play button, I can name two; Life on this planet and Dreams, as for the first, how life came to “BE” is a question that makes my hair stand, how did chemicals came together and BOOM!!  became a living Cell is something more glorious than an explanation any religion can give..

(Ahem, for those who believe in those little infinite Gods and such stuff, please don’t read Peter Pan you might get yourselves confused)

..  Life and dreams are quite the same, you can never say when or how they started but somehow you find yourself there, so much in common and with out one the other is either pointless or impossible…

.. I do apologize again for the second and even more boring introduction back the Monk and his Desert

The Monk of the Desert

as I said I do not remember how the dream started,  I do not recall there were any sounds, but what I remember is the view. two huge sand hills and in between them I can see the blue sea, no life was there, no trees nor birds even the wind was not part of this, it all seems like shopping bags someone forgot to take home and calmly left there to be ignored. It also seemed to me like the breasts of a woman.

I  was leaning on the wall of a cave that should not exist in a sand desert, I was dressed like a Franciscan Monk but with out the hood, instead i had thick silver hair and huge wooden Cross on my chest, I was reciting  Qura’n in  Aramaic ( for those who are not familiar with Islam, Qura’n must only be recited in Arabic although you can translate it’s meaning to any other language).

The cave was empty except for a rock shaped as a chair, it looked like the inside of a turtle shell, inside some of some of the hexagons there were some paintings, if I remember correctly one of them were of a naked nun . I went to sit on the chair shaped rock and faced the view out site the cave, It was then when I realised I was dreaming so I closed my eyes and I opened them in wide grey hall with many columns, I was seated on the floor and a burning candle near by.

I thought to myself this hall should be white. Then I walked to the window to see a similar view of the two sand hills and the narrow blue strip of water between them, only this time it seemed like a woman’s two legs spreading open.

I look back into the hall, which was white now and there were candles hanging from an unseen roof, in the middle the was a tree of black roses and my hands had halos like the Christian icons in old church but the halo wasn’t on my head it was around my two hands,  also my halos were red coloured.

I did like the tree of Black roses I felt close to it as if I am looking to a dear friend or to my own blood. I reached to the root with my hands , I did not touch the tree in stead I poured some red liquid, it seemed it is coming out of my body and then I said it to myself   “.. it is time to walk out, it is time to wake up” and I did.

It was around 3 AM, I went to the Kitchen and had some water then went to the window in my living room and saw this in the other side …

falling snow

Could not help but smile, no matter where I go no matter what the world around me is coloured by; it seems I will never escape the desert inside me especially those two hill facing a strip of water they look like two breasts sometimes and two spreading legs other times, there where no logic is required.

P.S. except for few details here and there all that was written here is the poor production of the blogger corrupted and awake imagination.

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