name, a phobia which does not stress you when you are in a high place or when you have to deal with a spider, but instead it is a constant fear drives you directly to what you fear in the first place, drives you to total madness.
All the time you Must act as if you are a normal being, actually that what you would try with sweat to convince yourself before others with.
it is an every day scenario -i must say; wake up after a usual restless night, and as a prayer you talk to your self saying:
i am here i am in this cold room, i am alone but free and i am not in an institute, i am healthy person and i have no reason to not be.
then you would go out smiling in every direction to avoid suspicion.
on the surface you acting for people to believe your normality, and just under that you are fighting your demons your other others, you are a fire burning down itself, you might believe they have enjoyed your silly act and they might do, acting as an Art …. as an Art of Survival, and Survival out side an Institute is the only thing you manged so far.
the calmness in people’s eyes when they see you as they see a common stable thing has the effect of a smoothing Drug, it is after all your last peaceful corner.
a question comes up from time to time;
why exactly you are doing this, if you are crazy if your mind status is in question, then should not you finish this silly game should not you go where you belong. before doing something you would regret
as valid as this question is, you can not accept it, it is one of those demons calling for your distruction, keep him quite , ignore him and listen to another one, the one says what you want the morning one the one who says :
i am here i am in this cold room, i am alone but free and i
am not in an institute, i am healthy person and i have no reason to
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